Adam Lambert Teaches Kris Allen How To Super Shank
by LambertAllenFan
Summary: Kris Allen really wants to learn how to shank! SO he asks his fellow idol Adam Lambert! Complicated things go down. Lots of complications actually. If you love Adam Lambert and Kris Allen you should read! Deff a kradam story! Allisons in there too!
1. Chapter 1

Adam Lambert Teaches Kris Allen How To Super Shank!

Kris: Adam!

Adam: Kris!

Kris: Adam?

Adam: Yes Kris?

Kris: Can you teach me….(Adam interrupts)

Adam: How to scream?! I was wondering when you'd ask!

Kris: No not that….

Adam: Then what? (confused look)

Kris: Well you know how Michael beat me up that one time?

Adam: Yeah he kicked your ass. Haha. Country boys got swagg!

Kris: Well I was wondering. . .

Adam: Kris spit it out already!

Kris: Adam will you. . . will you teach me how to super shank?!

Adam: Kris…OMG you don't know how to super shank?! Boy where have you been?

Kris: Hey now I've been in a closet where I'm supposed to be. You venture far out and learn many things.

Adam: Oh haha Kris. You should try coming out of the closet every once in a while! It's fun!

Kris: Adam just teach me how to do it already!

Adam: Okay OKAY! *mumbling* Straight guys are so impatient!

Kris: I heard that!

Adam: Okay first lemme go get my stuffed life size man!

Kris: Oh god…you have a man dolly?!

Adam: (defensive!) He comes in handy!

Kris: Whatever you say… haha

Adam: Okay this is Stephen! *Throws Stephen at Kris*

Kris: OMG! Adam don't throw shit at me.

Adam: Oh so you didn't want me to throw you the knife too?

Kris: NO NO NO! I'll come get it!

Adam: Fine *Hands Kris knife*

Adam: Okay grab the end of that knife like your grabbing some bitches neck!

Kris: What kind of bitch?

Adam: Kris! It doesn't matter!

Kris: Can it be a gangsta bitch?!

Adam: Fine fine!

Kris: Yay!

Adam: Okay! Moving on so you got a hold of that bitches neck. . .*kris interrupts*

Kris: Gangsta bitches neck!

Adam: Ugh..youre so hopeless. Yes Kris gangsta bitches neck! Maintain a strong hold on the end of your knife!

Kris: WAIT! I thought I was holding a gangsta bitches neck!?

Adam: Kris I was using it metaphorically. Like I was exaggerating dude!

Kris: Oh. . .oops

Adam: Okay Kris if youre going to shank someone you need to call a homie. So Kris call one of your friends and ask for back up.

*Kris dials a number*

Kris: (Talking on the phone) Yeah im about to practice my shank. You got my back? Cool! *hangs up*

Adam: Who'd you call?

*Allison walks in the room*

Allison: Hey Kris I'm here as your backup!

Adam: KRIS! I meant like a homie. Like a bro!

Kris: Oh… Well Allisons tough…

Adam: Fine. . . *sigh*

Kris: Yay!

Adam: Okay! Kris Stephen is your target! Look at your target!

Kris: Who's Stephen?

Adam: Kris, the doll.

Kris: Oh, right. Okay I'm looking at Stephen.

Adam: Now take the knife and aimlessly stab Stephen.

Kris: But wouldn't that hurt him?

Adam: He's a doll!

Kris: Dolls have feelings too.

Adam: Kris Stephen isn't real! He doesn't feel anything!

Kris: But. . .but

Adam: Shank him right now! Kris do it or I'll. . .I'll call your mother!

Kris: You wouldn't!?

Adam: Oh yes I would!

Kris: Gay guys are so bitchy! Fine I'll shank the doll, but if I hurt his feelings…well it'll be your fault!

Adam: Aimlessly stab that him! Harder Kris!

Kris: I am!

Adam: Run Kris! Run from the cops! Run your cute little white ass off!

Kris: Run! Why?!!

Adam: The cops are here you douche! RUN LIKE HELL!

Kris: okay okay! I'm running!

Adam: Haha! Kris I didn't mean it! Kris wait there's a car! No Kris! Nooooo! Didn't anyone teach that boy to look both ways!??!!

*Loud smacking noise*

Adam: Uh oh…


	2. Chapter 2

At The Hospital:

Adam: Kris oh Kris I'm sorry!

Kris: Adam?

Adam: Yes Kris?

Kris: I hate you!

Adam: Aw man I love you too!

Kris: Adam my leg is broken!

Adam: It'll heal…eventually.

Kris: UGH! Stupid shanking.

Adam: Aw Kris I'm sorry.

Kris: *mumbling* stupid gangsta bitch..stupid country boy swagga

Adam: Hey look Will and Grace is on!

Kris: I don't want to watch your kind. Your kind did this to me!

Adam: *GASP!* Take that back!

Kris: No!

Adam: Yes!

Kris: *covers ears* LAH LAH LAH LAH! I can't hear you!

Adam: Kristopher Neil Allen!

Kris: Adam Mitchel Lambert!

Adam: I'm sorry…

Kris: Me too…Is Stephen okay?

Adam: Kris! Stephen is a doll!

Kris: You mean Stephens not here too?!?! ADAM! He's badly injured!

Adam: Kris. Stephen is a doll. He was not affected by your awful shanking skills.

Kris: But…but! Adam I wanna see Stephen! I need to apologize!

Adam: KRIS! He can't talk. He has no feelings!

Kris: It's okay Adam! I understand!

Adam: You do?

Kris: Yeah I get it. I know how to use sign language.

Adam: Kris…OMFG

Kris: Please?

Adam: Fine…UGH I can't believe I'm doing this. *leaves*

Thirty Brief Minutes Later:

Adam: Okay I brought Stephen.

Kris: Oh Stephen! *sobs* I'm so sorry. I just…I've never lashed out at anyone like that before. Will you ever forgive me?

*doll doesn't do anything*

Kris: Oh Stephen I'm sorry. Don't stay mad!

Adam: Kris he's not going to hear you he's a doll.

Kris: *sobbing*

Adam: Aw cmon Kris.

Kris: He…he…he hates me!

Adam: He. Is. A. doll.

Kris: Yeah a doll I killed! I killed someone I'm a murderer! I can see the headlines now: Kris Allen: Doll Killer!

Adam: Kris…you're the one with the broken leg! Stephen didn't feel anything

Kris: Adam! We need to bury him! I won't feel right….

Adam: Oh god….Kris! He's my man doll! I need him!

Kris: OMG! Adam he's dead! How can you live with a dead doll?!

Adam: Fine fine…UGH


	3. Chapter 3

**Hospital Escape**

Adam: Kris, is this really necessary?

Kris: YES! It is.

Adam: UGH. Kris, how are we going to get you out of the hospital? Your leg is broken and you're supposed to stay here for like three days.

Kris: I dunno. Can't you like come up with something?

Adam: Why do I have to make all the plans?!

Kris: Cuz' youre good at it. I'm ditzy, remember?

Adam: ugh…fine!

Thirty Long Minutes Later:

Adam: Okay heres the plan! I'm a doctor and I'm taking you to surgery. You're deaf/you cant talk.

Kris: Why am I deaf and why cant I talk?

Adam: Because when you speak you generally screw everything up.

Kris: That hurt. Right here Adam. *points to heart*

Adam: *rolls eyes* Moving on! Okay we can do this. Just don't talk, okay?

Kris: But but I have important things to say….

Adam: Well hold them in. I'm sure the world can do without them for a few more moments.

Kris: FINE.

Adam: Okay here lets put you on this rolling cot thing.

Kris: Kay.

Adam: *helps Kris onto cot*

Kris: Okay let us go forth! HUZZAH!

Adam: Kris…remember our discussion?

Kris: No, not really. That shiny television was distracting me.

Adam: *sigh* Okay, NO TALKING!

Kris: Why are you always so edgy? I won't talk gosh!

Adam: Okay here we go! *pushes Kris out of room*

Kris: *whispers* ADAM!

Adam: Kris. No talking.

Kris: But ADAM!

Adam: no kris!

Kris: But I need to go to the bathroom!

Adam: OMFG! Kris! You can hold it.

Kris: Nooooo, I can't!

Adam: Well try!

Random Doctor: Hello Doctor, Whats this patient in for?

Adam: Uhmmm…surgery?

Random Doctor: Oh what kind?

Adam: Uhmmm. A sex change.

Random Doctor: Oh. Okay, well Doctor you're going the wrong way.

Adam: Ooops. My bad. Thanks.

Random Doctor: No problem *walks away*

Kris: I'm getting a sex change? I don't wanna be a girl!

Adam: No Kris. You aren't getting a sex change.

Kris: Oh, but you told the doctor I was!

Adam: Kris, I lied. We're trying to get out of here, remember?

Kris: YOU MEAN YOU LIED TO A DOCTOR!? OMG! Adam! That's a crime!

Adam: Kris. Do you want to bury the damn doll or not?

Kris: Well yeah. I mean I…I…murdered him. *sobs* It would be cruel of me if I didn't bury him!

Adam: *rolls eyes* Well just go along with what I say and all will be well!

Kris: FINE!

Adam: Okay then. Lets go!

Kris: Poor Stephen….*sobs*

Adam: Kris STFU! You're deaf and you can't talk, remember?

Kris: fine….*sobs silently*

Adam: *rolls Kris down the hallway*

Kris: Adaaaaaaaaaaaaaam……

Adam: Shuttup Kris!

Kris: But Adam I gotta pee! Really bad.

Adam: Hold it!

Kris: UGHHH.

Adam: Stop complaining! *runs into doctor*

Random Doctor: Oh you again. Here lets take the patient in. I'll be operating today. Sex change, right?

Adam: Yeah. . . *Kris punches Adam* OWW!

Random Doctor: Did you say something?

Adam: Oh no, Sorry doctor continue please.

Random Doctor: Okay well I'll be back in 10 minutes.

Adam: Okey dokey.

Kris: ADAM! Get me out of here!

Adam: Okay okay okay! *rolls Kris to the window* Okay I'll just gently lower you out of the window. Kris…why are you wet?

Kris: I couldn't hold it…

Adam: OMG…Kris….*gently lowers Kris*

*loud smacking noise*

Kris: OW OW OW OW OW! Damn it. I thought you were going to lower me _gently_.

Adam: Sorry. You're slippery.

Kris: *moaning*

Adam: Okay I'll take these ugly doctor clothes off and meet you down there. Don't go anywhere!

Kris: How the hell am I gonna go anywhere? My legs broken….*mumbling* thanks to you…

Adam: Oh Kris get over it. I'll be there in a few moments.

20 Minutes Later

Kris: Adam what took you so freaking long?!

Adam: Well I was really hungry and there was this really hot guy…

Kris: MY LEG IS BROKEN AND I PEED ON MYSELF! And all you can think about is food and hot guys. EPIC FAIL

Adam: Well excuse me. Lets go bury the damn doll.

Kris: Oh Stephen *sobs*


End file.
